Growing up I always saw my mom struggling and although she had a hard life while she was growing up she still managed to push me to do my best. But one thing my mother never did was tell me she was once proud of anything I did. I didn’t accomplish much growing up because I felt no one would actually care. I remember all the school plays or any school events my mother would never go. She never attended any of the back to school nights because of her not being able to speak english. I mean I don’t hate her for it but I really wish she would have at least have made an attempt to try and go to show support. So I promised myself the day I have kids and they go to school I will try my best to always be there for the events of school. But back to my mother she always had an excuse for everything something I feel like I am starting to do now but now that I see I am starting to pick on some of her old habits I want to change them I want to be stronger than her.
I always envied my friends because their parents would always be there for them and show their support. I would walk home and think of what I could do to be better to make my parents pay more attention to me. I would try and get good grades and always have my work done but although I would try really hard it wouldn’t make a difference. My parents would be to busy working or doing their own thing, So I thought I would start being rebellious and maybe that way I would get some attention but even then it would be the same. I would be left at home alone and they would go to work or run their errands but never would they seem to care to see if I was ok or if I needed to talk. I always felt alone even if I was in a room filled with family I was never the one to be good at showing emotions still to the date I am not good at showing them. Sometimes I feel maybe that was the reason my parents never thought I was going through anything. I would always show my best side. my mom has said I have always been good at hiding emotion and that is one of the things I hate most about myself sometimes I can be in a really bad place or going through something and you wouldn’t even know it.
If I could go back and give myself some advice is stop hiding your feelings and don’t be afraid to show emotion, I remember when my parents and I moved from San Jose CA to Benicia CA it was such a big change for me I was so used to seeing my family more because we lived close to each other. When I started school I felt so out of my element all the girls would call me names and be mean to me. I was always getting bullied one way or the other all through school, during elementary school it was childish stuff, name calling,pranks and hiding my things. But things got worse and worse when I hit middle school. They say middle school is where you find your true self the moment you realize what you want to be and where you want go when school is finally over. For me during this time I never figured out what I wanted to do all I wanted to think about was be myself and not be afraid of what others thought of me. But like I mentioned before the girls that had bullied me in elementary school went from hiding my things in the classroom and calling me names to actually doing damage to me. They would start spreading rumors like calling me “SLUT” or “EASY” during this time I hadn’t even kissed a boy let alone got a boy to talk to me for more than just a class project. So imagine, I felt horrible I felt like I would never fit in but as the school year went by boys would actually start talking to me and I had a few boyfriends in middle school but I never got enjoy it because the girls would always spread rumors or be mean to me. So I thought maybe if I become a bully too they might like me. I became friends with them by 8th grade and I would try to fit in,but I didn’t want to treat people the way I got treated so I found myself a new group if friends and I am still in contact with a few of them.
Once I hit 8th grade we ended up moving again so I ended finishing my last semester at a new school with none of my friends but for some reason everywhere I went I would get bullied or people would not like me. During that last semester instead of hanging out with a group of girls I had a group of guy friends all the girls would call me a slut and say I was having sex with these boys I would hang with (again reminder this was in 8th grade) I remember one time I was walking with one of my friends and these girls threw some coke onto my legs as they were walking by me it didn’t make me feel bad I was hurt because I barely knew them and due to the soda getting onto the tights I was wearing I had to take them off and I got suspended because without the tights I was exposing too much skin.
I was so hurt and confused why these girls treated me the way they did, but I later realized was because I had gotten asked to be girlfriend of one of the football players he was my middle school sweetheart. Apparently no one liked me because I had one of the hottest boys on the football team as my boyfriend,although it didn’t last too long when I moved to the other school drama always seemed to follow me. Even though I always seemed to be bullied no matter how hard I tried to ignore it ,somehow it would affect me because I couldn’t even tell my parents because they were to busy to pay any attention to anything I had to say. So one thing I learned from all my years in school is to not care of what others think always keep your head held high. No matter how many people are mean to you one thing you always need to remember is if they are mean to you just kill them with kindness it’s the best revenge.
As I have gotten older I have been able to see that there is always two kind of people those that encourage you to be and do your best and the other kind is those who love to rain on your parade and tell you it’s a waste of time and money. I have always wanted to pursue a fun career and the moment I came across DIY’s I knew right then and there that I wanted to put my own style into actual garments and feel proud of myself even if others don’t. I do the things I do to please myself not others. I found out the harder you try to please others the faster you lose interest in your passion. Piece of advice don’t ever let anyone tell you your ideas aren’t good enough or that they are a waste of time because that idea could be worth a lot and could help you build your own brand. Don’t let others let your dream fade if people in your life aren’t supporting you then maybe those people should not be in your life. People always are either out to get you or there to lend a shoulder to cry on.
I remember once a teacher told me if you believe in yourself don’t worry if others try to bring you down. If your dream is the right path for you work hard and always keep believing. I always liked how this teacher was able to see what I was going through and always had some good advice or simple words to cheer me up. I gotta say having his history class 3 years in a row made me like history and has always made me interested in what will happen or what happened in the past. I have always wanted to be part of history and not the type of history that gives bad reputation but the one that inspires others to go for their dreams and always put their best foot forward.
One thing I wish I could tell my younger self is always believe in yourself and follow your dreams and no matter what people tell you if you have a passion for it then go for it.
“Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations,but about your unfulfilled potential.Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in,but with what it is still possible for you to do.”
Pope John XXIII
I AM A CREATIVE INDIVIDUAL WHO LOVES CREATING NEW THINGS FOR MY KIDS AND MY SELF. SEEING HOW HAPPY THEY GET WHEN MOMMY HAS MADE THEM SOMETHING MAKES ME SO HAPPY.